Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
