I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
