thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize