I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
