Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
