Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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