I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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