I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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