even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
