we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
