Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
either way he was missing a nipple.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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