If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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