there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
