do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
