What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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