What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
