I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
