do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
