Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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