Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
