after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize