Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
tell your sister to shave her snatch
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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