I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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