Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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