oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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