i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
