I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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