My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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