Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
