grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
