he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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