i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
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