It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I lost the right to judge tonight
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
