Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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