I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
