1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
