forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize