alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize