Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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