I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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