i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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