the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Houston, we have a squirter
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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