so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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