I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
