someone get that fucking seahorse.
now i know why i became what i already was.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
My vagina is officially offended.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
