Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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