Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
