I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
