so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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