So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
