btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize