she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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