I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
