so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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