Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize