Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Pappa wants mamma naked
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
