I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
