This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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