How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
your room smells of hookers.
And success
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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