shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
