winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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