i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Drake has all the answers
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
