I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
