If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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