just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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