Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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