just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
handjob tips. give me some.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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