I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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