Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Randomize
