Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
