I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Just pee around me
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
