I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
