Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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