Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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