Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
