I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Randomize
