but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
