watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
