Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
