Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
