I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
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