Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
