Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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