well I can't set my house on fire every night
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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