What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
