I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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