You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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