Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
