In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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