Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
