go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize
