This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
