Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize