I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
