Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
