hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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