So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
