no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
