i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
