I just made out with a guy for $7.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
